You may become enraged if your boyfriend consumes alcoholic beverages because you believe that he is stealing your relationship from you in both the literal and metaphorical senses.
When he’s been drinking, you may have the impression that he changes completely into someone else.
When you suspect your boyfriend is abusing alcohol, it can lead to a lot of conflict and strife in your relationship.
You may not know how to bring up the subject with him, or you may have brought it up and it didn’t go as well as you had hoped. It’s possible he thinks you’re nagging him, or he doesn’t believe there’s a problem.
Couples may struggle with this type of issue for years before it becomes a real problem.
Reasons Why You Get Angry When Your Boyfriend Drinks
How do you know what’s going on in your own mind? You can only look inside yourself.
Feeling helpless or old pain from years ago can cause us to lash out in anger when we don’t want to face our own inner pain, which may or may not be sparked by the present situation.
Anger isn’t a good way to hide pain, but it’s a simple way to avoid confronting the issue. When your boyfriend returns from a night out on the town sober, here are some reasons why you might be in trouble:
- You get angry because you feel betrayed
- You get angry because you feel disrespected
1. You get angry because you feel betrayed
Maybe he has a drug problem and is powerless to stop once he starts?
When they’re gone, you never know when they’ll return. You’re afraid they won’t even make it out of the woods alive. And you’re unable to leave the house until they are gone.
When they do return, you want to give them a bear hug and slap them across the face at the same time.
Despite your gratitude for their survival, you’re enraged by their recklessness and baffled as to why they continue to do so despite knowing full well the consequences.
Most of the time, they are sincere in their desire to stop. They’re unable to do anything. At the very least, not unless you have the help of a professional and the support of a network.
Addiction is primarily a state of mind, with physical dependence merely a symptom.
After a binge, many people experience what’s known as a “remorse phase,” during which they express genuine regret for their actions.
For those who don’t have that support, they are likely to fall back into the same trap the next time they’re stressed and find themselves in a toxic environment.
2. You get angry because you feel disrespected
Is he out with his male friends for a few drinks before returning home? Occasionally or on a daily basis?
As long as they’re not attempting to “get with other women” and he’s being considerate of your relationship, it’s productive for a man to have guy friends to relax and unwind with.
It’s fine if it’s just once in a while and he’s behaving in a respectful manner. I, too, value and need my “girl’s time” from time to time.
Alcohol abuse can be a serious issue for him, so that’s another issue. If he drinks excessively and frequently, he may be an alcoholic, which entails a slew of additional problems.
A more substantial dialogue and an appointment to see a doctor may be in order if that’s what’s going on,
Try to figure out what it is about him that makes you so enraged about it, especially if he isn’t drinking abusively, belittling your relationship with other women, or doing any of these things every single day.
Is it a recollection of something you’ve done before? Do you think he’s a liar?
If he has any of those other problems, he should see a doctor, and you should see a therapist together.
What you can do when you don’t like him/her drinking
Remember that it’s a big step for someone else when they realize they are drinking too much and need to cut back on their drinking, and you should do the same.
To be able to help others, you must first take care of your own safety and well-being. Here are some tips on how to raise the issue of excessive drinking and how to take care of yourself.
- It’s crucial to pick the right time to speak with your loved one.
- Try to be more empathetic
- Keep a cool head and be patient.
- Don’t try to be a therapist; instead, concentrate on keeping them healthy.
- Instead of being anxious, be curious about the situation.
- Use the 7 C’s.
1. It’s crucial to pick the right time to speak with your loved one.
Talking about the issue with someone who is intoxicated can backfire and make them angry or even forget the conversation ever happened.
2. Try to be more empathetic
Some people may become defensive and defensive when you use terms like “alcoholic” or “drinking problem.”
Remember that no one intends to overindulge. It’s easy to get sucked into bad habits because it’s widely accepted, advertised everywhere, and reinforced by cultural norms.
3. Keep a cool head and be patient
It may take a few conversations and some time before someone is ready to make a change. Remember that it’s their decision, not yours, to change.
Try to be as patient as possible if someone is angry, aggressive, or repetitive, and don’t react to provocation. Instead of talking about what you want to talk about, try doing something first and then bringing it up.
Distracting your boyfriend while bringing up a difficult topic allows them to divide their attention and gives them an “out” from the conversation if they aren’t interested in participating.
It’s fine if they don’t want to talk; “OK, that’s fine. Anytime you are ready to talk about it, I’ll be here”.
4. Don’t try to be a therapist; instead, concentrate on keeping them healthy
However, it is best that they seek the advice of a medical professional or a specialist in the field of insobriety.
If you can start a conversation about health in general (such as how much sleep you get or what you eat), your partner may be more willing to start by talking to their GP.
When you take this approach, you will be able to hear what your loved one has to say and show them that you care about their health and well-being.
As a result of this, you will gain their trust and, hopefully, they will tell you about their alcohol use.
5. Instead of being anxious, be curious about the situation.
When you learn that your partner is abusing alcohol, it’s natural to want to shield them from the consequences. Naturally, one’s first reaction would be to trust this instinct.
As a result, it’s common for you to be quick to give advice or impose harsh rules without first listening to your audience.
Try to keep the conversation focused on the consequences of their drinking rather than their actions (rather than about whether they do or do not have an alcohol problem).
What, why, when, how, who, tell me about, describe to me are all good questions to ask in this step. The person can simply say yes or no if you begin your questions with “Do you?” or “Is that?”
6. Use the 7 C’s
If your partner is abusing alcohol, you may experience a range of negative emotions, such as denial, shame, fear, and anxiety, as well as being shunned by your social circle.
If you’re struggling to find the right balance between caring for others and taking care of yourself, the 7 C’s are an excellent resource to help you get back in touch with your own self-care needs.
The seven tips are as follows:
- It was not my fault.
- It’s out of my hands.
- It’s beyond my power to fix.
But;
- I am capable of taking care of myself.
- By expressing my thoughts and feelings.
- Making wise dietary decisions
- By recognizing and appreciating my own worth
When Is Drinking A Problem In A Relationship?
Violence, dispute, infidelity, bitterness, financial insecurity, and divorce have all been linked to insobriety in studies.
I’d like to address a few of these issues, as well as many that I’ve observed in my own relationships and those of my friends and family.
Countless partners enjoy going out and having a drink together, whatever that means for you.
The majority of these occurrences are commonplace, and routines naturally develop as a result of one’s personality type.
So, how do you know if there’s a problem in your relationship because of your drinking or your partner’s drinking?
- Children Concerns
- Problems with Money
- Drunkenness as a Method of Being Happy.
1. Children Concerns
It’s a good idea to reevaluate your drinking habits now that you have children with your significant other.
Alcohol impairs parent’s judgment and reactions, and they don’t always realize that this is because of their drinking.
Because their parents or a parent was drunk or inebriated at the time of the incident, children of alcoholic parents may grow up believing that they were responsible for their parent’s unreasonable reaction to them.
As a result, children are left feeling bewildered and distraught when adults under alcohol’s influence fail to understand or respond to their needs.
2. Problems with Money
Drinking is not only a costly pastime, but it also frequently prevents you from earning money the following day.
Alcoholism can prevent someone from earning any money at all and plunge them into a pit of anxiety as they await their next fix if their habit becomes too strong.
A person’s ability to provide for themselves and their loved ones can be jeopardized if their drinking interferes with their ability to do so.
3. Drunkenness as a Method of Being Happy
Life is beautiful. When you’re in love, life is even more beautiful. If you or your partner are constantly turning to alcohol to make you or your relationship feel better, this is probably not a healthy pattern.
This type of thinking can also lead to violence and aggression.
It’s critical that you get help if your relationship is plagued by violence and aggression. If you’re unhappy in your life or in your relationship before adding alcohol to the mix, it’s time to reevaluate and figure out why.
How To Tell Your Boyfriend You Don’t Like His Drinking?
With someone else, it can be difficult to broach the subject of excessive drinking.
Concerns about upsetting them are understandable. It’s understandable if you’re afraid of dealing with a difficult problem.
It’s realistic for a person to avoid facing the fact that they may have to adjust their drinking or stop altogether.
Even if they’re ready, it could be years before they are. It’s up to them, and you can’t influence it.
Be honest with them about how drinking is affecting you.
- See how they react to the idea of change.
- Plan Ahead And Select a Suitable Date and Time.
- Avoid Blaming And Slandering Each Other.
- Illustration is A Good Way to Convey a Point.
- Make Sure You’re Not Sending Conflicting Messages.
- Be ready to deal with opposition when it arises.
- Stay Away From Repetitive Arguments
- Do Not Give Up Hope.
1. See how they react to the idea of change
To them, you may be perceived as nagging or over-reacting. A conversation about their thoughts and feelings about change can be a welcome relief for those who have been contemplating it.
They might recognize your guidance and encouragement if they are willing to change.
These are some potential things you could say
‘Do you have any concerns about your drinking?’
‘I have the impression that your drinking is getting out of hand.’ No, I don’t think that’s necessary.’
2. Plan Ahead And Select a Suitable Date and Time
Having a plan in place can aid you in:
- Avoiding irrationality
- Trying to avoid becoming enraged
- Not saying anything you’ll regret later.
They should only speak when they are well-rested and not impaired by alcohol.
In the morning or after a night of drinking, it is best to avoid talking to them.
3. Avoid Blaming And Slandering Each Other
It’s possible that they are already feeling guilty or concerned about their drinking habits. If they believe they are being attacked, they may become defensive or switch off.
Concerned about your drinking, I want to talk to you about it.’ “I’m a little concerned about how you’re handling your drinking.”
‘You’ve been drinking more lately, and I’m concerned about the impact it’s having on us,’ I said.
What you spend on booze is out of the reach of the rest of your family.’
4. Illustration is A Good Way to Convey a Point
Anecdotes can be used to demonstrate the negative effects of drinking.
How about this for an idea:
- We didn’t go to the football game because you were hungover.’
- We had planned to watch the movie together, so it was a letdown to find out that you had instead opted to watch it at the pub.
- After a weekend of drinking, you became aggressive toward me and scared me.
5. Make Sure You’re Not Sending Conflicting Messages.
Keep your words and actions in sync. As a result of your concerns, you may want to tell them that they have a drinking problem.
It’s possible, however, to send the wrong message if you keep drinking with them.
6. Be ready to deal with opposition when it arises.
If they aren’t already considering a shift, they may be extremely defensive if you bring it up.
They may become enraged, refuse to discuss it, dismiss your arguments, or even laugh them out of the room.
A common response is to deny the existence of a problem. Acknowledging it can be a difficult or painful process.
7. Stay Away From Repetitive Arguments
It is not beneficial to engage in a verbal argument or to simply repeat the same argument. Leave it alone if they won’t talk about it.
How about this for an idea:
‘OK. However, I’m hoping you’ll give it some thought, as it’s concerning me.’
8. Do Not Give Up Hope
This does not imply a constant stream of criticism and sarcasm while they’re intoxicated. You should tell them how much you care about them and that you’re there for them.
Conclusion
Alcohol affects our ability to think clearly and rationally, causing some people to become irrationally angry.
It has long been accepted by researchers that alcohol is an important factor in the development of aggressive behavior, and in some cases, it can lead to violence.
If this is a concern in your relationship, talk to your partner about it, and if you’ve done everything you can and they’re still unresponsive, walk away.
Taking care of your body and mind is just as important.
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