In the time and generation that we are in, it’s actually hard to accept having your boyfriend to share custody of a dog with his ex.
Generally, dogs need a stable place to call home because they are very sensitive to things around them. And here comes the big question, is it actually healthy for your boyfriend to share custody with his ex?
On a neutral note, it is absolutely fine for him to share custody of the dog, if his ex and him are mature enough to handle it. However, if they aren’t mature enough, there might be issues.
Most partners wouldn’t like their boyfriends sharing custody because of the whole drama involved with it. Nobody would want their boyfriend’s ex still snooping around him but remember that there is a dog involved here and that makes it more delicate.
It is absolutely healthy for your boyfriend to share custody of a dog with his ex, as long as it goes well. Especially if his ex is a matured and understanding being.
Why Should You Allow Your Boyfriend To Share Custody Of Dog With His Ex?
Remember That They Once Had A Life Together
Yes, it’s hard to accept this very fact. You might feel uncomfortable about the joint custody of the dog but you need to constantly remind yourself that he was once a part of another person’s life.
They had things together and now that they are apart, they need to be mature and sensible enough to take care of the dog together. Now he’s with you but he can’t let go of the decisions made in the past, like when they got a dog.
The Dog Needs A Stable Environment
It is said that dogs are man’s best friends. That is the plain truth here too. The dog has gotten accustomed to your boyfriend and his ex too.
That dog also needs to feel loved by both parties too, irrespective of the fact that they are no more together. Allowing him to share custody would help the dog in much better ways.
Think of how you would feel if you were put in the dog’s shoes. You would want to feel loved too. If your parents are divorced, you would still want to feel loved by both of them. This is the exact case here.
Because You Trust Him
Trust is a very important element in every relationship. If there isn’t trust between two partners, the relationship is as good as dead. You should allow your boyfriend to share custody with his ex because you trust him.
At first, it’s fine to have doubts but as long as you love and trust him, things will fall in place. Trust him well enough to handle the situation in a matured manner. Don’t let your insecurities about everything get to you.
He would be glad to know that you want him to share custody with his ex because you love and trust him.
Love And Its Baggages
When you decided to have him as your boyfriend, you also decided to take all the baggage with him. So having him share custody with ex shows that you love him and everything that comes with him is yours too.
A shared custody shouldn’t spoil the good things that you have experienced with him. This dog comes with him as the baggage in this case, not even his ex.
But the fact that they picked it together is what still joins them together. Accept the situation as his baggage that he still loves.
His Happiness
You should allow him to share custody with his ex because his happiness is involved. You know that wonderful feeling when you pick out a dog, he must have felt it too. In a way, the dog is familiar with him and vice versa.
It would be too bad to make him unhappy because you are against it. When he’s happy, you are happy too. Just calm down and think of his happiness at the very end of the whole situation. Plus, you will also have a better boyfriend by your side.
Things You Should Consider Before Allowing Your Boyfriend To Share Custody Of Dog With His Ex
The Behavior Of His Ex
Before allowing your boyfriend to share custody with his ex, you need to know how his ex behaves. This will go a very long way in helping you consider allowing him, in the sense that, if his ex is still trying to get him back, you might be faced with competition.
If his ex is the nonchalant type, the sharing of custody won’t be equal because the dog might be with your boyfriend almost eighty percent of the time. That’s actually not fair.
Your boyfriend might end up being the one to take over the dog’s food and shots. Also, if his ex is super nice, it’s the best of all, no hassles whatsoever. So just think it through, the behavior of his ex will go a long way in helping you decide.
Communication Status
You need to know how well you relate with your partner. When there’s no communication in a relationship, everything is bound to fail. Does your boyfriend confide in you about everything or is he secretive?
You really need to know because if there is little or no communication between you and him, It’s not entirely advisable to allow him to share custody of the dog with his ex. Because, he won’t possibly tell you what’s going on, and that leaves you in the dark.
If there’s no communication between you and him, build one. Let it be very strong. Relate easily with him and let him do the same with you.
Long Term Or Short Term?
Ask your boyfriend if the sharing of custody would be forever. It’s advisable that you consider it because it goes a long way into helping you know what’s ahead of you. If it’s for a short term, then you’ll know what to put in place. That’s also for long term.
Allergies And Phobias
Are you allergic to dogs?. Are you a dog lover or not?. You should ask yourself these questions. If you are allergic to dogs, it might be a strain on your health if you allow him to share custody with his ex.
Bet me, a dog isn’t worth your health. If you know that you have a phobia for dogs, you know what to do at this point.
Cost Involved
Is he financially settled to take care of a dog?. You know having a dog around means dog food and the rest. If you are both up and doing, then it doesn’t pose a problem to any of the parties. If both of you aren’t financially stable, it won’t be easy on your finances at all.
Time
Time poses as a very good factor that will help in what you consider. Dogs need to take walks around in an open space and they also need somewhere to do their dirty business.
If you and boyfriend are always out, there’s no need to allow your boyfriend to share custody because it would only make it look like you both are shutting the dog in and his ex won’t like that at all.
How To Ensure That This Doesn’t Affect Your Relationship
Communicate with your boyfriend
Firstly, communication is key. This cannot be overemphasized. Make sure you both talk and continue to do so. He’ll feel free to open up to you about everything happening, including his ex.
Communicating with him will allow your relationship to move smoothly and sweetly. You won’t even remember that his ex is sharing custody with him.
Be a good listener when he talks. Reply evenly, tell him how you feel about everything. Ensure that your relationship is on the right track at all times . If it isn’t, do your best to make it right.
Work on your communication every single time. Just continue to work on it because it would be your gain at the end of the rope.
Keep Your Negativity In Check
Don’t start to nag at every opportunity about the dog or his ex. Let loose of every negativity inside of you because it will only pull you down at the end.
Talk with your partner positively, tell him how happy you feel about the whole situation at the time. Believe that everything will be alright. Because it will actually be.
Support
Work with your boyfriend in taking care of the dog too. Take regular walks around the area, even to the beach with the dog. If something is needed for the dog, go with your boyfriend.
Don’t just fold your hands and sulk. Be his support system. He would personally love and adore you more when you begin to do this. Every man wants a woman who supports him in all areas, especially when they don’t ask for it.
Be respectful
Yes, his ex might come around from time to time. Either to pick the dog or discuss one or two things pertaining to the dog. So when it happens, be civil and kind.
Treat his ex like you would treat yourself. Don’t say any word out of line in anger. Be yourself around his ex and everyone will feel at ease.
Create Harmony
Create harmony between yourself, your boyfriend and the dog. Treat the dog like it’s yours. Give special treats to the dog when necessary.
Don’t complain every time about one thing the dog did. Remember, dogs also notice moods. If the house isn’t bubbly with joy and happiness, the dog would most likely be sad too.
Don’t neglect the needs of your boyfriend too. Hold hands, kiss, have dates. Do everything possible to create harmony with his ex too. That will make things less awkward.
Act Like A Grown Up
At times, things are bound to get on your nerves. Little things like your boyfriend staying late when going to drop off the dog or his ex not coming over to pick the dog and the likes.
Don’t scream off your head, complaining and complaining about it. Listen to what he has to say. Trust him. Act like a mature person. Don’t go all berserk about little things.
Let Go Of Every Insecurities
If you have insecurities and you feel that the joint custody of the dog will break you and your boyfriend apart, tell him. Let him assure and reassure you of his love for you. Anytime you feel insecure, assure yourself that nothing’s happening.
Don’t assume anything. Don’t insinuate anything. That would only lead to you overthinking more and more. Leaving you insecure and helpless. If you want your relationship to still go on smoothly, let go of your insecurities.
Leave Room For Mistakes
He isn’t perfect, neither are you. So don’t go sulking every time. Understand that mistakes are meant to happen, perhaps he forgot to pick up some groceries for you and the dog or he didn’t pick you up because he was with the dog.
Leave room for those mistakes. Don’t be too self conscious of everything. Trust him despite everything. Just imagine, if you were in his shoes, would you want him to always nag at you at every mistake.
Now, just think about it. You would want him to understand and bear with him. That’s exactly what he expects from you.
Conclusion
It’s not completely strange to see cases of boyfriends sharing custody of a dog with their ex. Remember that they once had a life together with their ex, whether good or bad.
Since they both chose a dog, they might as well choose to still take care of it together. As long as his ex isn’t interfering in your lives or relationship.
What makes it strange is when your boyfriend and his ex starts making a big deal out of it. This puts you in a tight corner. It isn’t entirely strange but it’s actually awkward but with little time, you would get used to it