What are the ways to know if a girl you like is playing you?
It can be difficult to figure out, especially if you have never encountered a player before. But there are surefire signs you can look out for to connect the dots. And I’ll show you in this article.
You are reading this because you don’t want to put yourself out there only to be made to look a Joke, or worse, have your heart broken.
First of all, we have to be on the same page about what describes a female player.
A female player will involve herself with you based entirely on self-interest. She will derive some sort of benefit from you, and when you’re no longer useful to she will cast you aside and move on.
If your gut is telling you that you are in this situation, you have to look out for the warning signs before you get thrown away like a can of soda after its content is exhausted.
Female players frequently flirt with many men, are vague about their relationship status, have a history of short-term relationships, seek attention and validation from men, and are emotionally distant.
Beware of these warning signs, as they may indicate that the woman is not interested in a committed relationship and is using men for her gratification.
In the rest of this article, we will explain these signs in detail to see how they match your situation. We will also touch on the actionable steps you can take if you eventually discover that she’s been leading you.
10 surefire signs that she’s a player
Before we move into these points, you must know that female players can be with a guy for much the same reasons that male players are with women.
So their desire, behind the camouflage, will boil down to either of the following: Consumation, material benefits, exposure to upward mobility, luxury, your car, or any other thing they fancy about you.
“B..b..but she loves me, and she acts like it,” you say?
Now look at these signs and see if she fits into them to be sure she’s playing you.
1. She won’t take any pictures with you
If she won’t take any pictures with you, it could be due to a few other reasons, but this is just one piece of the puzzle to consider.
So for this sign, you need to be heavy on the context of the situation. Sometimes a lady won’t want to take pictures with you for the media because she doesn’t want to be overwhelmed with people’s questions about the new guy after she just got out of a relationship.
But she could also be doing this because you’re her secret. So having a picture with you can jeopardize her plan of dating whomever she wants while you’re under wraps.
The bottom line is that this is not the single thing to base your verdict on, but it accounts for one of the many other crucial factors.
As you consider other warning signs, you will begin to realize, with a clearer view, why she won’t take any pictures with you or post you on social media.
2. She won’t allow you to meet her friends or family
One of the ways you can spot a player is if she consistently shoots down the idea of introducing you to her family, or at least her friends for now.
To some people, it is ideal to wait a while before introducing a date to the family. But if you’ve been with this girl for a couple of months (or years) and you don’t have a clue about her inner circle and she’s reluctant to make that happen, then there’s more than meets the eye.
Maybe she hasn’t done that because she’s still figuring out how to explain your relationship to friends and family. That’s a different case.
She’s most likely a player if she shoots down the idea of even introducing you to anyone in her inner circles, such as friends and family. It is a telltale sign that she doesn’t see you in her future.
3. To her, you’re not a boyfriend
You will know that she wants to keep her options open (despite being with you) when she doesn’t give you a title. What are you to her? Boyfriend? Friend? Friend with benefits? Side-guy?
You need to know your role in her life. This says a lot about the relationship. For example, you may be bothered that she introduces you as her “friend” to people even after months of being together.
You have to talk to her about it and let her know if she’s on the same page about moving the relationship to the next level. If you don’t talk about it, she’ll keep leading on you until she no longer needs to.
4. Future talks, no?
It is even a little premature to start mapping out life together with a lady you met barely a month ago. But if you’ve been seeing this lady for, say, close to a year and she never talks about making plans two or three months out, then it’s something you can consider.
If you are dating her and she never talks about the future, it can be an indication that this is just for fun in the present, with no strings attached.
So this is one of the ways you can spot if she’s a player.
Either she doesn’t see you in her future and you are just a temporary guy, or she’s unsure about what the future holds for you both.
5. She has many guy friends
I know. I know. There’s nothing wrong with women having platonic male friends while in a relationship. Having male friends is, in fact, the sign that she’s playing you.
Where you should be concerned is when the number of male friends is unusually high.
While some of those guys may be friends, don’t be surprised if some of them are also in the process of being played the way she’s playing you.
So to them, you are also a “friend”
So begin to reflect on this idea. Do you usually catch her with other guys, and then she spontaneously introduces them as “friends”? Even a 7-year-old can connect the dots by now.
6. She’s squeezing you
Remember what I said in the earlier part of this post? Female players are always about what they want. So one of the red signs you can use to spot a player is when she squeezes you, and you won’t understand the meaning of it until you read this.
It’s always about “you’ll take care of it, darling, won’t you?”
Most of the ways she gets money from you are after she uses reverse psychology to make you “voluntarily” sort out financial issues for her.
Another popular trick is that they make you see their upkeep as your number 1 priority just because they want to “look s*xy for you”
It is a sweet gesture to be supportive of your woman. But if you figure that you’ve been seemingly “generous” with an ever-increasing frequency towards her, then she is playing you well.
It means she has a way of getting what she wants from you by pressing the right buttons. She’s using you to get material things and making you see it as a self-willed favor.
7. Does she get upset when things don’t go her way?
Female players are characterized by getting what they want and not wanting to have it any other way. Reflect on her reactions whenever you fail to get her the things that you promised.
Think about how offended or belittled she feels when you delay purchasing a gift for her or taking her out as promised.
Does she always get upset or offended when you disagree with those passive suggestions for money?
If it fits into this point, then you’re dealing with a female player.
8. She never texts you first even after you ghost
It’s “normal” for girls not to text a guy first, especially when they play hard to get. But if she’s someone you claim to be in love with and you both have been going on for a while, then it should be concerning that she doesn’t text you first, even when you ghost.
You are always the one reaching out. And whenever she’s available, it always ends up with her needing a favor or something from you. Buddy, she’s using and you need a to tough break.
9. You don’t know your place in her life
Another sign to consider to spot a female player is when you are always unsure about your standing in her life. Today, she’s all over you, showing extra TLC and flirting, and then tomorrow she’s distant and less affectionate.
It means she’s playing games. If she genuinely likes you, she will be consistent in her communication.
The point here is that if you can’t really tell where you lie with her, and you always feel like you’re on the edge, then she’s playing you. You are a side guy or diversion.
10. You have no clue about her dating history
Right now, as you read this, can you think of any past love interests that she’s told you about? She has several male friends, but has she ever told you about her love history? No? But she knows about your past relationships, yes?
This could be an indication that she leads men on without any commitment to something serious. It means she has commitment issues, and you are the current game she’s playing.
Now that you know, what next?
If, after going through all the above-listed signs, you see that she ticks many (if not all) of the warning signs, then you’ve just spotted a player.
The bad news is that you could have realized it earlier. The good news is that you can put a screeching halt to the manipulation.
But still, discovering that your partner is playing you can be a painful and difficult experience.
Now that you are sure, here are seven things you can do:
1. Take time to process your emotions and reflect on the situation.
When you find out that the person you invest your time and love in has been leading you on, you may think of a thousand things to do, but the most important of them all is to take time to process your emotions and reflect on the situation.
Now that you know the “what” and “how”, you also need to logically think about the “why”
Was there a milestone misunderstanding between you two that made her start playing you? Has she been like this from the beginning of the relationship? Have you both committed to the relationship, or is it still something casual?
Reflect on the situation, process your emotions, and then take the next steps after you’ve gained clarity
2. Communicate with your partner about your concerns.
As the saying goes, “communication is the key”
Even though you’ve been able to match her recent behaviors with the above-listed warning signs, you may be speculating. Consider talking to her about your concerns and listening to what she has to say.
It could be a huge misunderstanding, and you don’t want to throw your relationship down the drain based on wrongly made assumptions.
If truly she’s been a player, and then when you confront her, she denies or deflects, then you’ve proved your point.
But the bottom line is to have an open-minded conversation with your reasons in hand.
3. Consider seeking the advice of a trusted friend, family member, or therapist
Discovering that you’ve been playing all along can be difficult. If you are pondering the next course of action to take, it might help to consult with and confide in a trusted friend or family member that can look at the situation with a third eye.
Oftentimes, you may get advice that will help you navigate the situation.
If you look around and decide not to confide in anyone close, then a professional relationship therapist may help.
The whole point is to make a calculated decision about the situation, especially when you’ve come a long way with her.
4. Set clear boundaries and expectations for your relationship moving forward.
This is the point where you have to be decisive about the future of the relationship. Is this something you can confront her about and make her change her ways?
Even when she turns a new leaf and promises to be committed to you, will you be able to trust her? You don’t want to be in a relationship with something that constantly turns you into a detective.
A healthy relationship should be built on trust, honesty, and transparency.
She, being a player from the get-go, might have put a dent in these foundations. Now, you have to decide the boundaries and expectations for your relationship moving forward to prevent being played again.
5. Take steps to protect yourself emotionally and physically
Some actions cannot be undone. Now that you’ve discovered she’s a player and you’ve chosen to move on, you need to be intentional about cutting ties with her.
Take steps to protect yourself emotionally and physically. This starts with even limiting contact with her or ending the relationship altogether.
It’s time to focus on self-care, buddy.
6. Use the experience as an opportunity for personal growth and development.
Ultimately, you have to learn from the experience.
There’s no use crying over spilled milk. And don’t be hard on yourself for wasting your time on someone who was only with you for material purposes and not genuine love.
You need to now use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and development
Final thoughts
It is common for people to talk about men as players. But the underlying truth is that there are many women playing games in relationships, and the chances of encountering one are not slim.
You may have crossed paths with a lady that seems to love you, but she’s pimping and running circles around some other men—using them for all they can.
If you take a hard look at all these signs discussed in this article, maybe you’ll realize that you’ve been here side guy or backup plan all along.
But not to worry; the actionable steps we’ve looked at in the above article can also help you navigate around the situation like a man in control.
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