Are you having the instinct that your guy is using you for a place to live?
Well, you may be right. But there are just a few signs you can use to confirm this.
First off, when you’re in a relationship, it may be hard to eventually see the true picture of your life with him and the meaning behind it.
Generally speaking, the most common signs that a guy is using you for a place to live are when he never offers to pay rent or contribute to household expenses, constantly talks about his financial problems, or avoids making plans for the future with you.
Additionally, if he seems to prioritize his comfort over your needs or consistently disregards your boundaries, he may be taking advantage of the situation.
I’ve been able to round up these indicators as the common signs after having a close chat with a few women who had nursed concerns about their boyfriend (now ex, hopefully) using them as a place to live and how they found out.
In the rest of this article, I’m going to explain why these signs are telltale that he is using you as a place to live.
Afterward, we will look at the actionable steps you can take when you eventually find out this is what’s happening between you two.
15 Unmistakable signs that he’s using you for a place to stay – explained
From the chat I had with these few women, the common indicators that revealed that their guys were using them as a place to stay (which appears to be a very popular sign these days that you should look out for) are as follows:
1. Is he always out of cash?
One of the telltale signs that your partner is using you for a place to live is when he’s always broke. With this financial situation, he’s unable to pay for the rent on his own or afford the living cost on his own.
For this reason, he’s convenient staying with you since that won’t be a worry of his any longer (well, not for too long now)
So, one of the things you should observe is whether he’s always broke. It could be an obvious reason.
But even if he’s unable to pay bills, that’s truly not enough to conclude. Look at other areas.
2. He’s reluctant to help around the house (or doesn’t help at all)
When someone is using you for a place to live, they appear to be a pest. And you know what pests do to their host – the relationship isn’t mutualistic.
If he’s living with you but never attempts to help around the house, not even to help with mundane chores, then he’s just using you for a place to live.
Do you do chores in a hotel? Exactly.
Begin to reflect on all his expectations whenever he’s living with you. Does he expect you to cook, wet the garden, and do other things without giving back or offering to help even when you aren’t around?
It could even be that you’ve brought up this issue several times but he doesn’t budget despite your complaints. Sister, this is a telltale sign that he’s using your house as a hotel.
If you’re living with someone, even when splitting the bill, you wouldn’t want them to do all the chores.
3. He’s only sweet when he needs something from you
Another sign you can use to be sure that he is using you as a place to live is when he seems distant but becomes toady and chummy when he needs something from you.
The behavior is toxic, and you can easily detect this one. The worst part is that he is not always there when you need him the most, but when he is in dire need of a favor you can grant, he runs back to you and camps in your house.
In other words, he’s living with you when it benefits him, and he doesn’t care about how you feel.
He could be smart enough to pretend that he cares. That’s manipulative. Fortunately, there are other signs you can use to support your instinct on this one.
4. He shows zero interest in your daily activities
If he’s using you as a place to live, then you can discover this by observing whether he just wants your company or what you can do for him.
If he’s living with you because he cares and loves you, he will want to know all about you, your aspirations, what your daily activities look like, your interests, and what you do at leisure, and even attempt to be a part of these.
When you return home, does he even ask how your day went? Does he care about your family or whether you are going out with your girlfriends? If he claims to be living with you out of love but is distant, then he’s using you.
5. Is he jobless?
This is another popular factor to look into for you to know he’s using you as a place to live. It’s one thing to be jobless; it’s another to not be concerned about finding a job.
If he’s comfortable enjoying the perks of being unemployed by living in your house for free, then he won’t strive to work hard.
If you notice a lackadaisical attitude in him towards finding a job and he fits into all of the conditions mentioned above, then he’s using you.
A real man who is in love with you and wants to take care of you will jump at the chance to get work and provide for you and the family properly.
6. He doesn’t spend quality time with you
If he’s living with you for genuine reasons, he’ll naturally enjoy sitting around the house even when nothing is exciting going on because it’s just sweet being together with you.
But if he doesn’t seem to like spending a lot of time at home and would prefer having friends over staying in, then he’s only using you as a place to live.
7. He reluctantly discusses commitment
Another way to know that a boyfriend is only using you as a place to live is when he constantly finds ways to avoid talking with you when you bring up a conversation about commitment.
If he’s using you, he will be scared of commitment. It is okay to not want something serious, but when he refuses to discuss it, there’s more than meets the eye.
8. He expects too many favors
High expectations of favors are a huge sign of a parasitic relationship. If he’s using you as someone who has a place to live, he will most likely always need something from you.
Are you always the one who eventually picks up the bill? Does he always ask for favors from you? Does it always feel like you are the one to do things that make him happy?
If your answer to all these indicators is yes, then it’s a one-sided relationship, and he’s not in love with you.
He may say he loves you, but words are cheap.
9. Your living situation doesn’t matter to him
Another area to look at for you to be sure he’s using you as a place to live is when he doesn’t seem to care about your living situation.
Does he even have an idea of how much the rent costs and when it is due? Does he care to know? Your answer to these questions is a clear indicator of whether he loves you or sees you as a free roommate.
You will know he’s only leading you on when he doesn’t show genuine concern for your well-being.
He may be able to tolerate the little defects around the house, but the fact that he doesn’t care to do anything about them says a lot about his ulterior motives.
10. You haven’t met anyone he knows
This is not always the case, but when you see that he has been living with you for a while and you haven’t met anyone he knows, he could be using you as a free room until he’s able to get out—no love.
When your partner introduces you to his friends or family, it’s a sign that he’s serious about the relationship and doesn’t treat it as a secret. It is also a strong indication that he sees you in his future.
But if you have been living together for a couple of months and this has not happened, and you don’t even know too much about his personal life, then it’s a red flag. He’s using you.
11. He shows little or no effort toward getting his place
Life is not always as we want it. It could be that he is going through a particular financial crisis and is not able to afford a place on his own for now. This is you just being a supportive partner by bringing him in.
But up until now, has he shown any efforts toward getting his place? If he has been living with you for months or years without ever moving into his place, then he’s only milking you.
Staying with you as your boyfriend was supposed to be a temporary solution. But it seems he has an ulterior motive.
12. Does he seem to be taking advantage of you intimately?
If he’s living with you and doesn’t seem to want more than just lovemaking from you, then it’s a sign that he’s using you.
A boyfriend that cares about you won’t take advantage of you in this regard because he wants something serious afterward. But if he’s using you as a free room, he seizes the opportunity to enjoy free intimacy. If he’s only interested in this one thing, then it’s a red flag.
13. No sign of appreciation – Not in words; not in deeds
If he doesn’t show that he appreciates the accommodations, this may be a sign that he’s using you. Genuine Appreciation can be expressed in words and deeds.
Does he expect you to bring groceries back to the house and doesn’t say thank you or make any effort to shoulder that responsibility? Yes? Then he’s taking advantage of your kindness. This means he’s only using you.
It even goes down to the subtle physical expressions of affection such as hugs, kisses, and other warmth-attracting gestures to suggest he’s grateful each time you do these things.
If he’s not using you as a place to live, then he will give some indication that he appreciates all that you do for him.
14. Are you his secret?
This is related to not knowing any of his friends or family. But in this case, it goes beyond being introduced to people he knows.
If he’s living with you and does not tell you about his inner circle, does not post about you on social media, does not make an effort to have you on coffee dates, and always tries to keep you to himself, then he’s most likely using you.
A guy who uses you as a place to live but doesn’t love you won’t want the world to know about you both.
It’s a sign that the relationship is heading for a ditch and a heart will be broken.
15. He’s barely available when you need him
His actions when he’s living with you can say a lot about his motive for staying with you. If he’s always borrowing your car, and money, or asking for physical intimacy, then he’s using you.
Of course, you can’t expect him to be around 24/7, but if he’s invested in the relationship as much as you are, then he’ll show you tenderness, love, favors, favors, and care.
Real boyfriends check on you to know how you’re doing, not only when they need favors.
So What’s next?
Now that you’ve gone through these possible indicators, you are probably now reflecting on how you’re making it too cozy for him.
Yes, you give him a roof over his head. But do you feed him? Support him financially? Have him sit back and show no effort?
If “yes” ticks all the aforementioned boxes, then it’s only a matter of time before it begins to put a serious strain on your relationship.
At this point, you need to use the above signs to verify if he’s living with you because of the relationship or because he wants a place to stay.
You can confront the issue using the above signs after answering these questions:
Does it take advantage of you?
Can he start paying his way shortly?
Can you talk about the future of the relationship with him?
Do you know where he lives now? (With a parent, a friend, or another girlfriend?)
What do you do when you find out your boyfriend is using you as a place to live?
Here’s another important thing to touch on. When you eventually use these signs to confirm that your guy is using you for a place to live, then its crisis talk is knocking.
You both will have to talk about the issue and then observe whether he admits it. Finally, what you do when you find out is determined by how you feel about your boyfriend and how he reacts in the conversation.
If he keeps gaslighting you and doesn’t show any sign of wanting to admit it or change (despite the telltale signs), then it’s time to kick him out to avoid being in a further toxic position of being taken advantage of.
However, if he’s truly sorry and genuinely willing to change, give him a chance to prove he’s sorry.
Wrapping up
This is a very common issue in many relationships. But you don’t have to launch yourself on a guilt trip when you start to nurse the feeling that your boyfriend may be using you for a place to live.
One of the golden rules, as it relates to this matter, is to make the guy wait for at least a year before moving in with me. This allows me to see if they are serious about having a relationship or just looking for a roof over their heads.
Now, if it has happened already (or is about to happen), focus on ensuring the guy has steadily employed and can either share rent or pay rent to you so that they are sharing in the expenses of living with you.
Also, if he is truly living with you out of love, he would naturally want to be partaker in the food costs and utility costs since they will be contributing to those costs.
In one of my conversations with these women, I learned how guys could use their women’s car to see other women — drifting between baby mamas or various girlfriends without ever having a place of their own.
So now that you have the gut feeling, keep your eyes open, read between the lines, and earlier take action so it doesn’t get worse than it already is (if it’s true that he’s using you)